'normality'

I hate the fact that I need to take pills to feel 'normal.' What is normal, exactly? I hate it. I've lost all sense of normality. When the pills start to kick in, I can't take it anymore. I begin to feel like I'm in some sort of zombie-like state of mind. I can't shake it out. I feel like I'm not really there. It may look like I am, but I feel like I'm in a dream where I try to run but I can't.

...

i haven't been able to become genuinely close to someone, for as long as i can remember. the thing that troubles me the most, is that i don't even know when it happened. when could it have happened? who changed me? how could they? i am scared of the fact that i am scared of someone caring for me..it doesn't seem natural. i really don't know what it feels like to be normal anymore.